


Crack Galore

by CrystalNavy



Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, Crack Relationships, F/M, Gen, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 08:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13971516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/CrystalNavy
Summary: Many cracky things set in the OP Universe





	1. Table of Contents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Table of contents

1\. Love is a Hurricane  
2\. Melt Your Heart  
3\. The Thing  
4\. Love and hate  
5\. Don't Mess with Our Youngest Sibling  
6\. Talks  
7\. Kidnapped  
8\. Hunted Down  
9\. Infection  
10\. The List  
11\. Overprotective

More to be added


	2. Love is a Hurricane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monet takes a page out of Boa's book

Monet did naught but stare, and stare, and stare

Those muscles, that chest, that innocent-looking face....

And those eyes, so deep that she felt she'd get lost in them. She never felt anything like this before, not even towards her boss. She saw Kuzan move to freeze the waves, so she intercepted his ice with her own. 

Then she drew in a breath

"PORTGAS D. ACE!" she screamed at the top of her lungs "MARRY ME!"

"Wait, what?" a marine managed to say

"LOVE IS A HURRICANE!" Monet added

Then she ripped her clothes off.

"I WILL SAVE YOU, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER!" she declared, before turning to face Doflamingo "I AM SORRY, BOSS!"

"GO AHEAD, FUFUFUFU!" Doflamingo yelled back "I never cared about seeing this execution through anyway."

Many confused Marines, Admirals included, stared at her. And on the execution platform, two bewildered guards and one shocked convict remained completely still.

Ice morphed into giant faceless figures, all of whom began to march towards execution platform. One of them grabbed Ace, lifted him up in the air, and began to walk away.

Everyone watched, transfixed, even Whitebeard and his crew.

Akainu was the first to awake from his shock-induced stupor. He prepared his magma fist and chased after the snow army. However, one of the snow soldiers stomped on him, squashing him like a pancake.

Meanwhile, at Monet's command, Ace was gently deposited on the ground in front of her. She immediately tackled him and gave him a hug.


	3. Melt Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was in love with him. I never experienced something like this before.
> 
> I reeled my fist back.
> 
> I punched clean through his body, melting his heart into a puddle of unknown liquid.

My name is Akainu, and I am an ordinary Marine. 

Well, as ordinary as a man in love could be. I was in love with another man, and a pirate at that.

Yet when he showed me that body of his, I forgot all of that.

I ran towards him like an excited schoolgirl. My arms were spread wide.

But then, I saw that his affection was given solely to another. 

I was in love with him. I never experienced something like this before.

My gaze fell on Dragon's son, the object of his affections.

I zeroed in on my target, preparing to deal a finishing blow. I reeled my fist back.

I punched straight through his body, melting his heart into a puddle of questionable liquid.

Only then did I realize that Dragon's son wasn't on the receiving end of my punch.

It was the man I loved.

My heart broke in two on that day.

I was able to pass my blunder as fulfillment of justice.

I visited his grave in secret every day, knowing that they would all kill me too if they saw me in the vicinity.

Though maybe it might not be so bad, for I'd get to see the one I loved again in the afterlife.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The death of Ace was a mistake, and that's all it was. No one is to tell me otherwise.


	4. The Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She chanced upon her two targets at last, and she unleashed all of her fury and all of her rage. It manifested as The Thing, and its sole purpose was to eradicate the two men standing in front of it.

The Thing moved towards Akainu and Blackbeard, who stood rooted to the spot they were in thanks to her gravity powers.

"How do you have those?" Akainu growled "Only admiral Fujitora has them!"

"Ask the dude over there." she shrugged, nodding towards Blackbeard "He can steal other people's powers, so why can't others do the same?"

"Zehahahaha!" the tub-o'-lard laughed at this proclamation 

The Thing let out a deafening roar.

"I suppose you are wondering why I brought both of you here." she chuckled "Well, this will be a place of your execution. You pushed one button too many when you caused the death of the greatest man that ever lived....."

"Whitebeard?" the two men said simultaneously

"Why is everyone talking about Whitebeard?" she roared "What's so great about that man anyway? True, he somehow cajoled the greatest man in the world into joining his crew, but other than that, all he does is drink sake and hold parties. And don't even get me started on....."

And she continued her rambling. Akainu and Blackbeard shared a knowing look

"I think someone is jealous of Whitebeard." Blackbeard stated flatly

"No, I am not. I just think he is an useless git who couldn't even save his own family from being slaughtered at the hands of you two." she snapped "So I have to avenge them all in his stead."

"Sure....." Blackbeard coughed "Let's go with that....."

His eyes slid down to 'Ace for President' T-shirt that the girl wore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 coming soon.....
> 
> Rest in peace, you lovable dork.....


	5. Love and hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rob Lucci never had time for frivolous things such as love, until he met her....she hit his soul hard in all the right places.

Rob Lucci was a methodical man. He prioritized the call of duty above all else. 

_"Rip his intestines out....."_

He was a devoted pioneer of justice.

_"Boil him alive......"_

He valued the work he had. Ruining other people's lives had been his favorite pastime since he was a kid, and so he joined the ranks of World Government, people who had the same goals as he did. 

_"Dump him into a vat of acid....."_

Right now, however, he was in a bit of pickle. He had a voice inside of his head. A voice which kept supplying him with endless list of innovative ways to kill his boss. Sure, Spandam was annoying, but he was still his boss. Which meant he had to get rid of such thoughts, no matter how the enjoyed the very idea.

That was when he first crossed paths with her. She would eventually become his partner in crime when it came to.....certain things. 

Like impaling Spandam on a pike.

Ironically, it was Spandam who first introduced her to him. She was supposed to be a mere prisoner, but Rob Lucci disagreed. In private, of course.

She was way too intelligent to stay a mere prisoner for long. If his hunch was right, and it always was, she would rise through the ranks very quickly.

-x-

"Nico Robin." Rob Lucci beckoned her over

It was a dimly lit corridor, so few things were discernible. Nico Robin approached him hesitantly. He took her hand in his and placed a quick kiss onto her hand.

"You are aware that this is inappropriate." she scolded him lightly "I am a prisoner. You are an agent. If they saw us fraternizing together, you'll lose your rank."

"Oh, but you can be so much more than a prisoner, Nico Robin." Rob Lucci looked at her slyly "I'll put in a good word for you. You can even be my new boss in the future."

"What about Spandam?" she questioned

"He is the weakest members among all of us currently here. Accidents can happen." Rob Lucci shrugged

No one was suprised when they saw Spandam lying at the bottom of the stairs, his skull cracked open.


	6. Don't mess with out youngest sibling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because we can and will make your life hell if you do.

Sakazuki had waited for this moment. The moment he'd extinguish the cursed bloodlines.....forever......

Suddenly, he felt unnatural chill. Multiple auras were locked onto him, and each one of them was pulsating with pure, unbridled fury.

".....They're behind me, aren't they?" Sakazuki asked

"Yup." Dragon's son grinned cheekily at him

Sakazuki turned around in a slow motion. Sure enough, he found himself staring at the remaining fourteen division commanders of Whitebeard pirates. Fourteen very angry division commanders. Fourteen angry scowls directed at him.

"And what did you think you were about to do to our youngest sibling?" they chorused

Sakazuki looked at Ace, who was still rooted to his spot, the spot where he was supposed to strike, and back at Dragon's son, who was laughing his head off.

"The day we'll let you kill Ace is the day when pigs fly." they concluded

Then they attacked, ready to teach the one who tried to harm their youngest a lesson he'd never forget.


	7. Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real reason Vinsmoke siblings hate Sanji and Reiju

Sora Vinsmoke was a typical mom in a typical household. She acted like a caring mom. Really, she did.

Yonji hit his head on the wall, courtesy of being thrown into it by Sora.

The thing was, she only acted this way towards her third son and her only daughter, the only children of hers who had emotions. 

Yonji said nothing, he just picked himself up and left to find Ichiji and Niji. 

The door opened, and Reiju and Sanji entered. Sora smiled at them and opened her arms

"Come here, let Mommy hug you." she cooed "Do you want some cake? I'll have cooks bake some for you."

Sanji and Reiju were quick to accept her offer.

Unfortunately, Yonji saw this, and so did Ichiji and Niji. They turned around and started walking back to their rooms.

"It's not fair." Yonji grumbled "Sanji and Reiju have all the attention from mother."

"We can teach them a lesson." Niji suggested "Make them see the other side of the scale."

Ichiji and Yonji agreed, and began to bully Reiju and Sanji whenever they could.

Sora noticed this and she took care of the situation. She started denying food to her three sons and made a stock of medical appliances so she could fix Reiju and Sanji's injuries.

Then, Ichiji decided to tempt fate one more time. He snuck into his mother's room and stared at her while she was asleep. Sora opened her eyes and looked up at him. Immediately, a fist came at him and sent him crashing into the wall. 

"Never set foot into this room again. You are no son of mine, and you have those damn bloodline limits of yours to thank." Sora glared at him 

From that point on, Ichiji, Niji and Yonji gave up on pleasing their mother, instead putting all of their efforts into making their father proud. Meanwhile, Sanji and Reiju bloomed under her care, while their three siblings remained skinny midgets without an ounce of compassion or love to offer anyone.


	8. Kidnapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was for your own good."

Ace woke up with one hell of headache. He found himself in unfamiliar room.

"So you are awake." a familiar voice drawled

"Deuce?" Ace's eyes widened

"Yes, it's me." Ace's former first-mate grinned at him "Shanks begged Whitebeard to bring you back and they agreed it should be done as fast as possible. But if the Whitebeards were seen in the area, it would cause suspicion. So they turned to us, knowing that we value your well-being as much as they do, maybe even more. With some luck, we managed to track you down. Sorry we had to resort to desperate measures."

"But where am I?" Ace was confused

"These are the ruins of an old castle." Deuce explained "We kidnapped you and brought you here. We figured it was the only way to stop you with your reckless nature and all."

"Let me go!" Ace protested "I have to find Blackbeard! He has done the unforgivable and he must pay!"

"And how exactly do you think you can bring him down?" Deuce deadpanned

Two of the former Spade Pirates let loose the shackles, allowing Ace to stand up. Then, without warning, Deuce rushed Ace and tackled him to the floor before he could react.

"You couldn't even dodge that and you think you could beat Blackbeard, the man who was able to hurt Shanks?" Deuce rolled his eyes "Put the shackles back on."

His crewmates were quick to oblige

"This is treason." Ace grumbled

"It's for your own good, sencho." Deuce grinned "We are keeping you alive, you should be thanking us."

With those words, Deuce left. 

Ace buried his head into the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be making this into a standalone story sometime in the future


End file.
